


Let the waves crash upon me

by drugsins



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:48:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drugsins/pseuds/drugsins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The water is cold but it fills all his senses as he tries to keep his eyes wide open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let the waves crash upon me

**Author's Note:**

> ¤ find me on tumblr at drugsins ¤

Harry woke up as a flash of light rested on his eyelids and then went instantly, leaving him in complete dark.

He opened his eyes, blinking rapidly and was met by a soft breathing on the side of his neck. His head turned slowly, his eyes watching the features of the person sleeping next to him. He couldn't see very well but he brought his hand up to the sleeping face and traced the outline of his lips, then cheeks, nose and finally rested on his beautiful, closed eyes. His eyelashes tickled his fingertips and he moved his hand on the person's neck, feeling his pulse point and resting it there for a moment.

He felt him let a sigh of relief and maybe pain and, while still trying to recognise his form in the dark, Harry shut his eyes hard, retracting the hand that was softly caressing the other's skin and clamped it over his mouth.

He was not going to cry. Not like this, not here, not now.

He was letting soft gasps while trying to control his breathing and the tears that were now streaming hotly on his cheeks. A deep pain hit him in the chest and he felt like suffocating so in an instant he was up from the bed, limbs all shaking and trying to steady himself, holding tightly on the black wardrobe.  His knuckles were turning white from the grip on the furniture, blood refusing to flow normally into his body anymore. He was dizzy, the room spinning and shaking like mad. He then opened his eyes, taking sight of his surrounding again as another flash of light travelled across the room.

He stretched his back, covering his face in his hands and sighing. Everything felt wrong. Everything he had ever wanted and could never have enough of.

With slow paces, he went to stand right in front of the big wall made only of windows that illuminated his room. He opened them abruptly, letting the cold air shake his body, making his hairs stand up and his breath hitch. His naked form rose beautifully into the dark, being fed by the strong lights of Bangkok that were emerging throughout the busy city. Looking down, he realised how high he actually was. The 54th level. How easily he could jump and forget everything. How he could become nothing in a second. How he could be forgotten and maybe one day forgiven.

Another tear travelled down his cheek but he shoved it away brutally. The soft wind of the night ruffled through his unruly curls, making him shiver with fright and excitement. What if he could actually do this? What if he could leave everything behind and just stop here?

He left out a small gasp and watched, dazzled, at the action that was taking part in front of him. Lights everywhere from commercials on incredibly high buildings, also lights from the streets and the people's flats and finally the lights from the stars.  


Exhale, inhale. Let it all take you in, take it all out. Be one with the sky and be one with the ground. Suffer and laugh. Learn to move on.  


He turned around, looking at the still sleeping face of _him_. His best friend, his lover, his soulmate. Is it possible to love someone so much that every time you look at them, you feel your heart being ripped out of your chest and it becomes painful? Looking now at him, body slowly rising on the bed from his steady breaths, Harry feels like screaming. He had never wanted to care so much, to put everything he had in front of him, to beg him to take him all, flesh and bones, body and soul, mind and heart. He was empty. Everything had been drained from him when he had met him. Louis. His saviour and his killer. The one he loved for transforming him into everything and the one he hated the most for destroying him entirely.  


He watched his lean body strapped between the sheets, strong back flexing under his breaths, one hand gripping on his pillow tightly, eyes furrowing in dreams, and the other one hanging lazily from the bed, almost touching the ground. The duvet covered him from the waist down, the dimples from his back standing out in the dim light of the room. He was beautiful. The most beautiful thing Harry had ever laid eyes upon. And he was all his. He belonged to him fully.

But he couldn't do it anymore. He was tired, aching all over.  


Harry smiled, still standing in front of the large windows, his skin chilled by the windy night. He stepped slowly into their apartment, making no sound, and with only a towel wrapped around his waist, he exited the room. The soft feeling of the carpet hit his feet and he relaxed, walking lazily across the hall and then taking the stairs two by two as he headed for his favourite place.

He gasped when he finally clutched the handle of the large room from the side of the hall, letting himself in. The cold surface made his toes crumble but he let himself lost into the smell of chlorine and fresh water as he saw the swimming pool. A pale light came from somewhere in the room and as he looked above, he saw the sky downing on him. The ceiling and the walls were only windows, giving the impression of a naked room. The water reflected wonderfully, small waves forming and hitting the sides of the pool. There was nothing there anymore, only him and the infinite.

He let his towel drop and in one forceful jump across the pool he was in the middle, shivering from the cold and the ecstasy of the feeling entering his bones. He swam and swan until he felt like suffocating and after regaining his breath and steadying his heartbeat, he lay on his back, letting himself float across the huge pool, watching the stars, breathing deeply. He closed his eyes, letting the sound of the water fill his ears. He didn't need anything else. He had the world at his feet. He had everything but nothing.

Another sudden pain in his chest made him stumble, reaching for the side of the pool instantly and groaning as he suddenly began crying frantically holding on for dear life. He put his hands in his hair, pulling tightly, hurting himself, forgetting everything and everybody. As he let all pour out, he felt tired. His body was not responding to him anymore, hurting all over and taking him far from the side of the pool. He then felt going down. He was drowning but he was still awake. He could sense everything but he didn't care anymore. He was finally free, his soul breathing fresh air, emptied of sins and mistakes. Everything he would have ever wanted to get rid of, to leave behind. He was now peaceful as silence engulfed him into its lands, leaving only a motionless and cold body to float aimlessly around in a perfect pool full of lies and shattered dreams.  
  


Xx  
  


Louis awoke with a groan, feeling his back cold under the chill of the night. He was alone. Something was wrong, he could sense it deep inside him. He got up, all wide-eyed as he searched the room for the only thing that mattered to him.

Panicked, he then looked at the window, holding his breath, not wanting to believe yet. He approached the large doors, grasped one in his hand and looked down. Only darkness met his eyes and he shuddered. He wouldn't have done it. He wouldn't have left him to face it all alone. He couldn't have been that cruel. He then realised.

Darkness, emptiness.. Infinite.

In only his boxers, not bothering to cover himself, he was running and running on the hall and up the stairs that were going to take him to the one he belonged. He was met by silence. His body trembled as he watched the steady rhythm of the water, carrying on its careless waves a small form, the one that was his entire life.

He kneeled as something hit him hard in the chest and he suffocated as he felt the life being drown out of him. The love of his life had actually kept his promise. Harry was gone.


End file.
